8 Tell-Tale Signs Your Partner Is Cheating
The tells are broken down by a psychotherapist.
It’ll only be a matter of time until you dig into the indicators your lover is cheating if they’re acting strange.
Even if you trust them, anything simple but unusual, such as the fact that they always hide their phone or don’t talk about you on social media, can make you feel uneasy.
And with good reason. While there are plenty of plausible explanations for these strange habits — perhaps they’re preparing a surprise party or have decided they don’t like Instagram – it’s crucial to trust your instincts and not dismiss indicators of cheating.
According to Dr. Fran Walfish, a relationship psychologist, the best thing to do if something feels off is to talk to your partner.
“Talking is the glue that ties people together.” If nothing is wrong, it will not only save you from unnecessary stress, but it will also start a potentially relationship-saving conversation about limits, trust, and other topics.
While you don’t need to keep your eyes alert for signals of problems 24 hours a day, understanding what to be concerned about might be useful.
Experts explain what to watch for, while others relate personal accounts of changes they saw just before discovering their partner was cheating.
1They Alter Their Outward Appearance
Dr. Caroline Madden, LMFT, a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in infidelity, tells Bustle that if your partner suddenly cares about their look more than they normally would, it could be an indication they’re cheating.
She isn’t just talking about putting on a fresh pair of pants or purchasing a new work shirt. Maybe they’ve invested in a new wardrobe, are going to the gym five nights a week, or spend hours in front of the mirror for no apparent reason.
Consider it a red signal if it’s out of character and the improvements don’t appear to be for them or for you. It might be that they’re getting ready for a new love interest, or that they’re trying to draw attention, according to Madden.
2 They’re Obsessed With Their Phone
According to experts, there are a plethora of phone-related symptoms of dishonesty. Your companion may use a long password, text with the screen turned away from you, or send you more messages than usual.
3 They Develop Unexpected New Interests
It’s fantastic to discover new interests and to inspire one another to attempt new things. However, if your companion has suddenly switched from video games to the cello, something is wrong.
4 When they leave the house, they appear to vanish.
Spending time apart and giving each other space is healthy. Take note, though, if your partner appears to vanish off the face of the earth everytime they leave the house, or if you can never predict where they’ll go.
A shift in routine, according to Dr. Catherine Jackson, a professional psychologist, is often what reveals a cheater. “Things like spending more time outside the home when they’re ‘doing errands,'” she tells Bustle, or staying late at work. It’s also a red flag if they don’t pick up when you phone to find out what’s taking so long.
It’s not always something, so don’t assume it’s a sure sign of cheating. Some folks are simply lousy at monitoring their phones and will not even notice that you have contacted them. However, if everything appears a little off, their absence could indicate that they’re snooping about.
5 They Never Mention You On Social Media
“Your partner should feel comfortable sharing your connection openly and honestly once you’ve established your partnership,” Adele Alligood, a couples therapist, says. That usually means they’ll gladly tag you on social media, mention you in their posts, and remark on your images, among other things.
6 Suddenly, they’re Very nice
Cheating can be detected by emotional distance, or a feeling that your partner is walled off or “far away.” Surprisingly, the contrary can also be true.
Dr. Ellen Kenner, PhD, a licensed clinical psychologist, explains that guilt and the urge to cover up the affair may push your partner to be more ‘affectionate’ towards you to keep you off guard.
Is it true that they are sending flowers? Is it necessary to say “I love you” every five seconds? Being unusually cuddly late at night? Of course, it could simply be a kind gesture, but when combined with other strange changes, it could indicate that something is wrong.
7 They accuse you of being a cheater
Another oddity: if your partner is genuinely cheating, they might start pointing fingers at you and accuse you of it.
“This is a cheater’s preferred strategy,” Madden explains. “This is generally followed by other declarations about how vital loyalty is in order to make them appear above reproach.” But, in truth, it’s usually just a ruse to confuse and deceive you.
8 They aren’t as interested in sex as you are.
One of the sexual indicators of cheating, according to Madden, is if your partner typically initiates sex but has recently stopped. They may have found sex or emotional closeness outside the relationship if they suddenly lose interest.
Similarly, Kenner adds that if they give you that “far away stare” while kissing or having sex, it could imply they’re cheating on their other love interest – with you.
Alternatively, everything could be completely innocent. It’s very normal for your sex life with your spouse to have lulls, especially if you’re both busy and exhausted.
Taking a new medication or being under a lot of stress can both cause a lack of desire to have sex, so don’t jump to conclusions just yet.
There is no one-size-fits-all method for determining whether or not a partner is cheating, but strange changes are likely strange for a cause.
If you can’t seem to shake your worries, make time to discuss as soon as possible so you can both work it out.